Susan Rosen Fisch

DSCF1476
Originally uploaded by AllIsaacAllTheTime

Mom passed away at 4:16pm Wednesday, June 10th. More to come.

Thanks for all your best wishes.

xo
nikki

Memory #1

My dad travelled alot when I was a kid. Some of my favorite memories of my childhood was when it was just me and my mom. Not b/c I didn't love my dad--there is definitely a Daddy's Girl in me, but, when it was just me and my mom, and when we were getting along (more of a chance when dad wasn't around), there was a natural quiet and comfort between us that was never there any other time. We knew not to talk to each other first thing in the morning. We could sit and watch TV or read trash mags for hours sitting by each other and never say a word. It was never weird or awkward. It was quiet and calm.  At the time, of course, I never realized what was happening. But, I see it in my choice of mate. We can be quiet and it can be wonderful. Isaac, of course, is the exact opposite of us. He likes the noise and company of others. Funny how that works out.

When we lived in LA, mom and i would make chips with melted cheese in the toaster oven and sit in the pool while we ate. Our backyard overlooked the canyon. The weather was always nice. I loved those afternoons.

Saw mom today. She is like a shell of herself. NOT the feisty, zesty, spicy woman I know and love. This isn't my mom. My mom died last week. The last I truly saw my mom was 2 Mondays ago. We sat by the pool. We laughed about something. I told her something and she responded. Only problem is, i can't remember at all what we talked about. I only know that I was there. I spoke. She responded. She was my mom.

I keep thinking that I can say something at her funeral. I have always had so much to say about my mom and it always came to me so easily. But now, when i need to organize my feelings and come up with something real that I can say to others so they'll get the essence of what I felt about my mom, nothing is coming. Everything I think about her comes in bits and pieces. I think of silly stories. Inappropriate stories. Nothing that really tells how i feel. I am thinking maybe it is because I feel completely numb. I feel nothing. I've cried a few times in spurts. I feel sad and a bit devastated only b/c I KNOW I feel that way. But when it really comes down to it, I don't feel much at all.

I figure over the next few days I'll write some things about her so maybe the beginning of some sort of eulogy will come out of it. We'll see...

Isaac cleans

IMG_3110
Originally uploaded by AllIsaacAllTheTime

Good gosh! My life seems a mess right now. If only my little Isaac could clean it up all the time! He loves to vacuum and I let him! Just like his daddy.

Anywho. Since my last entry, in case you are the rare person who stumbles across this thing, much has changed and progressed and stood still. Mom is in hospice care now. At home, but there is nothing else to do and at this moment, hospice nurses think it will be around 2 more weeks.

It's weird. I'm motherless. Mother-less. For many, many years, I have spoken with my mom almost every day. At the very least, I've spoken to my mom every few days. And that's only b/c she's been out of town, in Europe or too ill to talk, in which case, I've just gone over. My mother has been so woven into my life that's it seems like it will be difficult to pull the thread out. As I've grown older, I've become more dependent on her advice, support, money. I know, as children get older, they are supposed to grow more independent. I seemed to be the opposite. I never needed her much as a kid, or a teen, but now, well into my 30's, I don't know what I'll do without her.

So, June is around the corner and June will more than likely be the month my mother dies in. I hate June.

Colorful Tomato Cages

Isaac posing in the veg garden
Originally uploaded by AllIsaacAllTheTime

I planted 7 tomatoes in the garden. 4 Martian Giants and 3 tomatillos. I also added a mild green jalapeno, banana pepper and an artichoke. My broccoli should be ready to harvest in a few weeks. The Brussels Sprouts need another 6 weeks probably and the beans are nowhere near ready. Something is eating the leaves of many things. I need to spray spinosad, but i can't seem to find any actual bugs. Very strange. The potatoes are also growing. Well, half are anyway. I need to mound up more straw. 

I looked and saw that many of the potatoes are sprouting green leaves, but only 3 are rising above the straw now and one looks like it will break free any day.

I also planted strawberries. Just 2 plants. I'll see how it goes. I might plant some more, but I am trying to keep it slow. I don't want to overwhelm myself.

I also need to harvest some radishes. But, I want to do something with them. Maybe I'll thinly slice them and add them to a salad. We'll see.

Onions seem to be doing ok. Just moving along. They are firmly rooted so that is positive. And, this past year I got the poppies planted super early and they are just absolutely exploding now. The look amazing and I notice people stopping to look at them all the time.

Pansies, violas and lettuce are all doing good. I think I'll make some sauteed spinach at dinner tonight. If I can eat the spinach soon, I'll have room for eggplant or a cucumber plant in the next month. I can also pull out some of the radicchio to make room. It is such a pretty plant but I don't really like to eat it. I also realize that I am not a huge arugula fan. It's too nutty. Next fall I want to plant a mustard green Leslie was telling me about. It sounds delicious. Very mild with a good, light mustard flavor. Good for salads. In fall I need to be more organized with my lettuce. I also think I'll plant more baby greens instead of whole heads.

Anywho, going to check out the new natural food store, New Flower Market.

xo

Quiksilver...and hat.

Quiksilver...and hat.
Originally uploaded by AllIsaacAllTheTime

Isaac is slowly forming his interesting fashion sense. It's a mixture of stuff I show him and stuff he finds on his own. We were shopping at Penguin and he tried on a fedora in an adult size, then decided he wanted his own. We went down to Play and low and behold, we found the herrings tooth hat. I let him pick out his own pins from the pin bowl and voila! Modern American rude boy!

Shorts and shirt are Quiksilver. I have never paid attention to their clothes, but they are super cute! Comfy and soft. A little pricier than I would normally spend on him but he just looks so awesome! He also got some good Vans with skulls and fire on them. Super hot!

3rd year and still pretty.

3rd year and still pretty.
Originally uploaded by AllIsaacAllTheTime

But, they are almost finished. I love when the daffodils come, but when the early ones start to fail, it only reminds me that I am behind in my garden. Crazy, b/c I've only been gardening for about 4 years and I am already freaked out about the timing of my planting. Leslie would be happy to know the assimilation is growing. It will only be complete when I comfortably use the latin names of plants. Which I will not do! I refuse! (ears blocked) Laaalalalalalalalalal!!!!!

Tomorrow I will get some soil and 4" plastic pots and repot my tomatoes seedlings. They are about 5" tall and I am obsessed with whether they look leggy or not. Since this is my first time with successful tomato seeds, I don't know exactly what they should look like. Wait, going to research now!